On March 28, 2014 I thought my world ended. Dan died just 5 days shy of
our 10th wedding anniversary. I always knew it would happen - after all he was
born with Cystic Fibrosis and he had a double lung transplant. I knew when I
agreed to marry him that I was agreeing to become a young widow. How many young
brides read blogs of widows and widowers? I did. Of course I hoped that he
would beat all the odds, but as a science teacher I knew what I was getting
into. I loved Dan and wanted to marry him - regardless of how long our time
together would last. However, I was not prepared for what losing Dan would do
to our family - specifically Shane who had just turned 5 18 days before Dan's
death and Maddie who was just 2 1/2. In grieving the loss of my best friend, I
also had to grieve the loss of a dad for Shane and Maddie. While I had entered
into my relationship with Dan with my eyes wide open - Shane and Maddie never
signed up for a life without a dad. I would sit on my kitchen floor and sob
silently as I pictured all of their future Father's Days, daddy-daughter
dances, T-ball games, birthdays, and average days spent without a dad. Dan was
a tremendous dad and he loved his kids more than anything in the world. He left
a million memories, but I knew those would not be enough. Dan's family promised
to step in for our kids and they stepped up in many ways, but nothing can
replace the daily presence of a man who loves you more than he does himself.
After Dan being so sick for a year, I was so lonely and wanted someone special
in my life again. They say those with great marriages tend to be willing to
date sooner and I was ready after a few months. Dan left me with his blessing
to move on and he wanted me to do so "quickly." I used to get mad when
he would tell me that, never realizing how much it would mean to me to know he
was more than ok with that happening. I started to go on a few dates, never letting
anyone meet my children. My friends promised Dan would send the right guy my
way. I laughed. However, all of my doubt went out the window when I met Alex.
After talking to him on the phone for over 2 hours, I learned he grew up just
blocks from Dan - they went to the same elementary school! They did not know
each other because Dan, who was the youngest in his family, was 10 years older
than Alex, who was the oldest in his family. Something told me Alex was
different than the other men I had met (who by the way were all nice) and I
made plans to see him without lining up a babysitter (something I had never
done before!) Thankfully my friend Anna watched the kids and Alex and I had an
amazing date. I knew on that date that I met my next husband. It sounds crazy,
but I knew. I let him meet the kids casually at my block party on date 3. That
was when I was 100% sure that Alex was right not only for me, but for the three
of us. He instantly clicked with Shane and Maddie and they fell for him as hard
as I did. After 5 months of dating, he unofficially moved in (his stuff came 6
weeks later). With Alex here permanently, Shane and Maddie gained a dad back.
Do not get me wrong, Alex is not Dan. He is not like in Dan in any way except
that he loves Shane and Maddie fiercely. We are not trying to replace Dan. Dan
was Dan and Alex is Alex. Dan is discussed all of the time in this house. Dan's
family is still a huge presence in all of our lives. Having Alex as a dad, just
means my children are lucky enough to have two men who they can call Dad
(something Shane pointed out to me.) Two men who would do anything for them.
They are blessed to have Alex because not only does he love me and them, but he
also is confident and strong enough to not be threatened by the legacy of Dan.
Alex works from home on days there are special events at the kids school so he
can attend them, he takes them out on special dates, he brushes teeth, reads
bedtime stories, gives snuggles, taught Shane to love Star Wars, taught Maddie
to ride a bike, calms Maddie down when she is being a "threenager"
and has made our family complete. On this Father's Day my children will
remember the great man that was there when they were brought into this world
and they will celebrate the one who will be by their side as they navigate
through it. Alex has been the answer to my prayers - in him I found true love
and a best friend and a father to my children. It takes a special man to be
willing to love children that are not his blood children. I found a quote a
while back that said, "A Daddy isn't defined as the man who makes the
child, but rather a man who extends his hands and time to help raise the child!
Blood doesn't always make you a daddy. Being a daddy comes from the
heart..." How lucky am I that I have children smart enough to recognize
and appreciate their fortune in having two spectacular men they can love and
honor on Father's Day. Happy Father's Day in heaven Dan! I know you are smiling
down on us! And Alex, happy 1st Father's Day! You are an incredible man and
father! We love you!
