On March 28, 2014 I thought my world ended. Dan died just 5 days shy of
our 10th wedding anniversary. I always knew it would happen - after all he was
born with Cystic Fibrosis and he had a double lung transplant. I knew when I
agreed to marry him that I was agreeing to become a young widow. How many young
brides read blogs of widows and widowers? I did. Of course I hoped that he
would beat all the odds, but as a science teacher I knew what I was getting
into. I loved Dan and wanted to marry him - regardless of how long our time
together would last. However, I was not prepared for what losing Dan would do
to our family - specifically Shane who had just turned 5 18 days before Dan's
death and Maddie who was just 2 1/2. In grieving the loss of my best friend, I
also had to grieve the loss of a dad for Shane and Maddie. While I had entered
into my relationship with Dan with my eyes wide open - Shane and Maddie never
signed up for a life without a dad. I would sit on my kitchen floor and sob
silently as I pictured all of their future Father's Days, daddy-daughter
dances, T-ball games, birthdays, and average days spent without a dad. Dan was
a tremendous dad and he loved his kids more than anything in the world. He left
a million memories, but I knew those would not be enough. Dan's family promised
to step in for our kids and they stepped up in many ways, but nothing can
replace the daily presence of a man who loves you more than he does himself.
After Dan being so sick for a year, I was so lonely and wanted someone special
in my life again. They say those with great marriages tend to be willing to
date sooner and I was ready after a few months. Dan left me with his blessing
to move on and he wanted me to do so "quickly." I used to get mad when
he would tell me that, never realizing how much it would mean to me to know he
was more than ok with that happening. I started to go on a few dates, never letting
anyone meet my children. My friends promised Dan would send the right guy my
way. I laughed. However, all of my doubt went out the window when I met Alex.
After talking to him on the phone for over 2 hours, I learned he grew up just
blocks from Dan - they went to the same elementary school! They did not know
each other because Dan, who was the youngest in his family, was 10 years older
than Alex, who was the oldest in his family. Something told me Alex was
different than the other men I had met (who by the way were all nice) and I
made plans to see him without lining up a babysitter (something I had never
done before!) Thankfully my friend Anna watched the kids and Alex and I had an
amazing date. I knew on that date that I met my next husband. It sounds crazy,
but I knew. I let him meet the kids casually at my block party on date 3. That
was when I was 100% sure that Alex was right not only for me, but for the three
of us. He instantly clicked with Shane and Maddie and they fell for him as hard
as I did. After 5 months of dating, he unofficially moved in (his stuff came 6
weeks later). With Alex here permanently, Shane and Maddie gained a dad back.
Do not get me wrong, Alex is not Dan. He is not like in Dan in any way except
that he loves Shane and Maddie fiercely. We are not trying to replace Dan. Dan
was Dan and Alex is Alex. Dan is discussed all of the time in this house. Dan's
family is still a huge presence in all of our lives. Having Alex as a dad, just
means my children are lucky enough to have two men who they can call Dad
(something Shane pointed out to me.) Two men who would do anything for them.
They are blessed to have Alex because not only does he love me and them, but he
also is confident and strong enough to not be threatened by the legacy of Dan.
Alex works from home on days there are special events at the kids school so he
can attend them, he takes them out on special dates, he brushes teeth, reads
bedtime stories, gives snuggles, taught Shane to love Star Wars, taught Maddie
to ride a bike, calms Maddie down when she is being a "threenager"
and has made our family complete. On this Father's Day my children will
remember the great man that was there when they were brought into this world
and they will celebrate the one who will be by their side as they navigate
through it. Alex has been the answer to my prayers - in him I found true love
and a best friend and a father to my children. It takes a special man to be
willing to love children that are not his blood children. I found a quote a
while back that said, "A Daddy isn't defined as the man who makes the
child, but rather a man who extends his hands and time to help raise the child!
Blood doesn't always make you a daddy. Being a daddy comes from the
heart..." How lucky am I that I have children smart enough to recognize
and appreciate their fortune in having two spectacular men they can love and
honor on Father's Day. Happy Father's Day in heaven Dan! I know you are smiling
down on us! And Alex, happy 1st Father's Day! You are an incredible man and
father! We love you!
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Spring & Summer fun! Finally caught up!
Maddie kissing Daniel goodbye!
Goodbye hugs!
We have one week of T-Ball left! Shane was on the maroon team with Isabelle this year. He likes T-Ball, but he likes Isabelle more! One day we saw him and Isabelle hugging on the sideline and then Kim and I started talking. A few minutes later we heard someone yell, "Hey, there is no kissing in baseball!" Who do you think they were talking to?
Shane had Papa Irwin & Papa Judy come out to his games many times. We usually got a bite to eat after!
We have spent a lot of time outside this summer! I have been biking with the kids and they love playing in the backyard with their slip and slide! Maddie and Shane kind of army crawl down the slip and slide! Dan thought he would show them how it is really done! Thankfully he did not kill himself in the process!
My little monkeys in the bike trailer!
We love hanging out with Jami & her kids! It is so neat to have my kids play with her kids knowing that Jami and I have known each other forever. I have known her my whole life! It is especially cool that Maddie and Daniel are almost exactly a year apart and Jami and I are a year apart! Earlier this summer we met at Pirate's Cove.
If you build it, he will come! At the end of June we took a mini trip to Dyersville, Iowa. Dan always wanted to play catch with his kids there. Dan and I had been there long before children so it was time to return. I gave the trip to Dan for his 10 year transplant anniversary! We arrived around 4 and Dan made sure to pack baseball hats, gloves, bats, and a T. The kids loved running around!
After singing and playing in the park it was time for Papa Carolyn to make a tie dye t-shirt of her own!
We headed home from Summerfest and then celebrated the 4th of July (on the 3rd of July). Plainfield had Touch a Truck and fireworks! My parents, Dan's mom, and Betty came over for dinner and then we all headed over to the festivities. We were so happy that they had all of this on the 3rd since we took the kids to the Goo Goo Dolls concert at Ravinia on the 4th.
These are the brownies Shane & I made to celebrate!
Shane and Maddie loved the fireworks!
The next day was the Goo Goo Dolls/Matchbox 20 show at Ravinia. Dan & I had never been there before, but we really had a great time! You can't see the show at all from the lawn and there are no screens, but we heard the music and the volume was perfect for the kids! Shane & Maddie loved it and sang and danced the night away! Here we are having our picnic dinner! Thanks Papa Carolyn for the table! It worked out perfectly!
On July 12th Dan & I headed to Soldier Field for Bon Jovi! We had a blast!
Daniel & Shauna both have birthdays on the same day - thankfully their parties were on different days! Daniel's first birthday was awesome! Shane and Maddie had a blast playing in the pool!
I made an Elmo fruit plate!
Look at the smash cake Jami made for Daniel! I can't rotate it, but you get the point! It was awesome!
Jami & I made the fondant pieces and then Jami decorated the cake perfectly!
The birthday boy!!!!!! I think he loved his cake! We love you Daniel!
Shane's favorite teacher Mrs. Duesenberg asked if we wanted to meet for ice cream! Did Shane ever!!!! He adores her! We all love her!
Auntie Debbie came over to watch Shane play T-Ball. She is the best!
On July 20th we celebrated Shauna's second birthday! Shane and Maddie had so much fun! Look at Shane & Dan on the Go-Carts!
Shane and Maddie love the bounce houses!
Shane even tried his hand at rock climbing!
The kids favorite activity was probably dancing on the dance floor! So cute!
Here is the birthday girl! We love you!
After the party we headed over to Aunt Joan's house! Shane and Maddie just adore her and Cy!
If a birthday party and a visit with Aunt Joan & Uncle Cy were not enough, we decided to top off the evening with a trip to Plainfield Fest! The kids loved the rides and the Italian Ice! Dan also loved the Italian ice! Here are my loves and their red faces!
After Italian Ice it was time to try out some rides!
Papa Judy & Papa Irwin came out to the July 22nd T-Ball game and then we had dinner at Subway! Maddie insisted my dad hold her baby doll during dinner. If he put the doll down, she protested loudly. It was very funny!
Papa Judy and the kids!
Tuesday, July 23rd was Shane's last day of soccer. The kids played the parents and it was so cute! I think Shane has learned a lot of soccer skills this year and really likes it!
T-Ball is winding down (the 29th is the last day)! Here Maddie and Madelynn watched the game together! they are such cute friends!
Aunt Jorie came out to watch Shane play T-Ball and then we all had pizza at Fox's! The kids LOVE Aunt Jorie! Oh, and Maddie can say Aunt Jorie already!
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